Ho ho, hi ho...to GSG I go...
One scorched earth...coming up.
I don't care what it does...I don't care who it hurts. It's all coming out now.
You all were right. I get it. I suck.
I don't know why. It isn't necessarily healthy, it isn't productive. But goddamn it, it makes me feels better.
So I went to Lush today.
Brandon Mall's location was celebrating its one year anniversary with yummy goodie bags full of Retro products, plus I won a large size container of Dream Cream for knowing that what made bath bombs fizzy was sodium bicarbonate. Yay! Came home and happily sliced up Comforter bubble bar and Sultana of Soap soap to multiply and cure them. Got four toner tablets since I discovered how unutterably awesome my face felt after doing a tea steam when I had a cold. Received free: bar of Gratuitous Violets soap, Beauty Pea something or the other soap, Ultimate Shine shampoo bar, some kind of bath bomb (I think it's called a Butterfly bath bomb?), Bathos bubble bar, and then Gary got got the rest of the goodies (since he spent half of our overall total), a shampoo tin, a sample of shaving cream, and a HUGE bath bomb.
I made a decision a long time ago that if a man wasn't attracted to me because of my weight, that I could deal with that; you cannot help what you find attractive. However, anyone who was "up for some fun" but did not wish to date me was undeserving of my time. Somewhere around the same time, I realised that if someone believed a friendship with me to more trouble than it was worth, it was silly to wish to hold on to the friendship. It took a long time and in the past several years, I have done some growing up in that respect.
What do these two things have to do with one another?
I am a lot of fun to hang around with, and people like me. I have tried to not let these facts go to my head as I have in the past and instead see the attention, friendship, and affection that results from it as the gifts they are. Again, big ups to me for finally figuring that shit out. Here's where I have a problem. If YOU have made the decision to exit our friendship (to the extent of telling me "if we are in the same room together, you will not exist to me"), and somewhere along the line you realise that a) you find yourself, in a casual way, at least, enjoying my company, and b) that I am popular enough that you "shunning" me makes YOU look like the asshole, it is NOT my job to ease your "awkwardness" by pretending we are fine and get along, when essentially I am good enough to interact with, but not good enough to have a friendship with anymore.
It has recently come to my attention that just such a situation has arisen where a former friend whom, I thought, had been making friendly overtures has been doing so for her own social comfort. It's a form of leading on that is no better in a platonic dynamic than a romantic one. (we had a name for girls like you, dear.) If you don't want the pressures, stress, and all around horribleness of what is apparently a friendship with me, OWN that. Own the fact that you made a stance you apparently don't feel you can back up. I had made peace with that fact, but I WILL NOT be used for you to feel better about your social interactions. Continue to act like a bitch; at least that was real. A friend told me he wouldn't wish that type of shunning on anyone; his wife and I both agreed that we would rather be honestly ignored, cheerfully ignore back and not engage in some stupid pretense.